I have been feeling discouraged lately...sad and upset that I'm not meeting the expectations that I have for myself. I don't know if my expectations are too high or if I'm just being lazy and not meeting them? Sometimes, I don't know how to find joy in changing diapers, tantrums, throw up, picky eaters, cleaning up 10 times a days, messes, dirty dishes, getting woken up at 4 in the morning from a crying teething baby, not being able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it because I have to worry about hauling 2 children out the door...the list goes on and on...being a mom is hard. My whole life revolves around my 2 children! I find myself losing my patience more often than I would like to admit...and I become this grouchy, selfish mom...SELFISH and MOM...what an oxymoron!!!!! I guess, I miss the days when I was free, when I was my only responsibility, when I didn't have to feel bad if I wanted to go to a movie or even take a looooong shower...but those days are NEVER coming back...Why can't I just be the mom who never complains and embraces the dirty dishes in the sink or the messes that my kids make? The thing is that I love my children, I love being a mom to them, but I'm not in love with all the extra stuff that comes with being a mom and the feeling of confinement that I sometimes feel.
This morning my best friend Timber called, as if she knew that I needed her words of encouragement...I guess Heavenly Father sends us angels when we least expect them...she was my angel this morning...she understands and I don't ever feel judged when I'm sharing how I feel with her. She shared with me a few articles from the Ensign that she had recently read that had given her encouragement. "Mothers Who Know" and "What Latter-day Saint Women Do Best: Stand Strong and Immovable" both given by Julie B. Beck. There were quite a few points given that touched me deeply and comforted me in my role as a mother...I tend to get caught up in the little things of life and I forget to have an eternal perspective...
"Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world."
"Faithful daughters of God desire children." (and
everything that comes with
having them!!!) These 6 words touched me deeper than anything else I read...it's interesting how it says
faithful daughters, not just daughters but
faithful daughters, sometimes faith is what I lack.
"Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord's kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power" (Is there a greater job for us women? Is there a greater task out in the world for us to do than being a mommy to these children? I realize right now that there is not. This is the greatest job we can have, to shape a life, wow that is powerful)
"Families mean work, but they are our great work-and
we are not afraid of work. This is what we do best; no one does families better than the sister of this Relief Society. We uphold, nourish, and protect them." (WOW!!! This is so powerful is making me cry!!!)
"Women find
true happiness when they
understand and
delight in their unique role within the plan of salvation."
When I start pondering these things, I realize that there is purpose for the things I have to go through everyday with my children. I guess that I have to ponder these truths more often so that I have this eternal perspective always. It is too easy to lose that perspective...But the gospel encourages in our motherhood, what a great support we have! "The only place Latter-day Saint women will learn the whole and complete truth about their indispensable role in the plan of happiness is in this Church and its doctrine.
We know that in the great premortal conflict we sided with our Savior, Jesus Christ, to preserve our potential to belong to eternal families" Julie B. Beck. I feel much better now...thank you for reading!
This is Braden saying, "see mommy... I told you I am here for a reason!"